I'm missing my mama right now. Miss working out complex ideas and playing with words 24/7. Lengua Familia. And the way she endlessly called my attention to anything of the least interest in every environment--books, newspapers, TV reports, nature, people. Her elegant, thought-provoking writing was so beautiful it shone. She was fearless in what she wrote about, I realize now that it was because she was following her passion, and used her formidable command of the language, its nuances, its music, its justice, its ability to describe and reach the soul. We laughed a lot.
I miss her brilliance. Even though I was completely overshadowed, and preferred it that way, I learned so much about writing from her. I was thoroughly imprinted. Except for a disastrous three months at Texas Instruments, I entered the work force as a librarian.
So why now? Where's my moon phase widget? I don't know where people get the idea that women don't respond to cycles after menopause. I'm even more aware of cycles I didn't even know I had. So maybe this is just a broader cycle. One of those 5--10 year ones.
I am in a half-my-lifetime cycle with my sister and niece right now. My niece's father passed away Saturday, and spirits are on the move in this corner of the universe. I'm paying attention. O Fortuna, Velut Luna--Status Variabilis.
So the wheel is multi-layered, multi-dimensional. Not 24 hours earlier, my daughter announced that the wedding will be in Austin. This is a rare experience. To examine joy and grief as fully as I am able and learn from both. My trusty Z-Coils will help me keep my balance.
at 11:23 PM